Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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