So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
