i think my tv is drunk
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
