Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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