So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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