He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
