Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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