Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
