$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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