They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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