new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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