I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
