I think my fart just growled at me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
