there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
