Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There r osticjed everywhere
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
