Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
