so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
