Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
