He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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