Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
