I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
