when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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