He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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