Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i think im in europe. pls send help
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
