yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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