I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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