well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
