Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
