Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
