I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
