She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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