is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
