Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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