Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
