Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
