There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
