he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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