and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
