How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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