Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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