You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
