I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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