I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
