ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
