hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
