Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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