I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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