remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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