Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
