you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
