I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
