I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm at about main and main street
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
