mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
