U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
