My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
