I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize