Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
