Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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