Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
