Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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