That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
