you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
