I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
