I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
