i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
