Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
