I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i dont even know how to be here
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize