There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
