how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
