I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
