O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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