Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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