i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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