then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
